So this past week has been full of chaos.. Sunday i had wrote a long post ... come to find out it was never posted :( Well Sunday was our 2 yr anniversary for some that's not considered long but for what we have been through it feels like a life time. A life time not in a bad way but in general. So forwarning you guys this post is about to start from the beginning of it all (brad & myself)... So yous who don't want to hear or see the truth go on...He gave me a lot of shit from my last post saying i gave my ex a lot of glory & gave him shit & made him see like the worlds biggest asshole... so with that said i will start from the very beginning to present.
One night my bf decided she wanted to take her friend that was in town out so we decided on this bar (the BLOCK) some little ol place where we had the best times of our lives we felt like we ran it most of the nights... there was never a sober night goin home if we were goin to the block, it was our comfort we were close with the bartenders,dj,bouncers,regulars,barbacks you name it... it was our place to get down & drink our troubles away which we did quiet often... anyways we headed out for an all out girls night with our new girl who was under age so we got her lit in the car on the way there... we get there and were having a good time when we saw these couple set of 4 people come in to obvious mil guys & 2 chicks on whom was soo soo soo sloppy drunk she was falling over & all well we were taking our usual pics that were more difficult with 3 people so i walked over to the table where those few were sitting asked a young man wearing khakis,kswiss,& a sweater & a gold chain with what looked like a booger/christmas tree if he wouldn't mind taking our picture, he said sure took about 2 or three and that was it after a while we ended up merging sorta the two guys flocked over & we were all dancing & bsing... (Michael) introduced himself as Jake who was never married but had a child & was NOT military, I picked up the lies ( I mean he smelt like military) & lied back showed him my first loves picture on my phone told him she was my daughter who was with her father that night, & my name was Destinee & I was 21 (was turning in all honesty) anyway we danced to lil wayne got money for our first dance,then cupid shuffle & a few others... til the lights came on & it was time to go... We said goodbyes he asked for my number & i told him maybe next time... a few months later we ran back into eachother & i don't remember much but i do remember my bf leaving with my purse & all else that matters to get her business done... Michael then told me he would take me home ( I didn't have my purse) so i told him just take me to where she was ... we went & her car was locked & they both shut their phones off (typical) well Michael told me i could sleep in his bed & he'd sleep on the couch (more familiar now lol) but i told him im not some trick i needed to go home... thats as much as i remember besides bits & pieces (left out on purpose) i woke up the next morning in some room all alone & i remember looking to my left & seeing a tire & looking up & seeing a picture of Michael & some girl I started to panic & he walked in the room & asked if i wanted to shower he had some extra pt clothes i could take home... I snapped at him told him i just wanted to go home... he took me home the ride home was completely awkward for i have never hooked up with a stranger nor even could remember wtf happened...he dropped me off & that was that... no number exchanges nothing... eventually we met up with the boys to play cards & ended up actually getting to talk sorta he finally got my number sober lol... & we texted back & forth but i told him i'm not that type of girl blah... he had people telling me he was married so i kinda blew him off for a bit valentines day we ran into eachother at a club & i went down to say hey & he brushed me off on his friend so i danced with his friend for a few hours & bounced... his friend told me he was in a relationship... so after that i ignored him & just didn't reply & did my own thing... summer rolled around & i was dating someone who was trouble but we ran back into brad & his friends the night me & my bf got our feet tats & we showed the boys & brad was texting me all through the night after.. i was there with my then date... But as soon as i saw brad i lit up & ran & hugged him... a month or 2 after that we would text again & started hanging out more often we would go to the beach,club whatever... always with friends.. one day we met up at the club & he kept texting me & asking where i was because he wanted me to meet someone i started walking near him & he finally told me it was his mom... i was weirded out & ignored him he found me to say the least & i met his mom she was nothing i expected :) anyway he did everything he could to get me to go home with him i finally told him i would... so i met him back at his house & he had his 2 youngest brothers there... we all hung out for a few made plans for the next day... we went to the beach & had a blast i fell in love with his youngest brother He was perfect... we were mean to eachother that whole day... smartasses i guess we had somewhere to be so we left him & his family i told him to get up & say bye & he was butt hurt i wouldn't stay & go eat with them... so i kicked sand in his face... after that we texted often & met back up during one of his friends bday from that night on we were weekend duty... we had the best times together he always had me laughing whether he was being goofy or he was talking shit... we were perfect as weekend duty.. it started that june & went on we would meet up every wednesday -sunday some nights i would stay some nights i would go... i wasn't the type to catch feelings but being around him was nice... we had fun :) septemeber rolls around & it was one of my best friends wedding day.. I asked him to be my date he said no at first so last minute he changed his mind... now this day i can't tell you everything because i honestly don't remember... but the wedding was gorgeous i couldn't be more happier for any other two people... they were love.. they were dolls together... it was a fun time.. it had open bar which i left my id in the car so i couldn't hang... everyone instead brought me drinks... i drank anything & everything from red wine to kahula,white russians,crown & coke ,beer & whatever else... supposedly after that we went to a club (i have no idea) then went home. we all stayed at brads that night.. i remember the next morning i woke up ran to the living room & jumped on an unblown mattress had no voice whatsoever... & went to eat... went home & checked fb & michael had requested to be in a relationship... he spilled his heart out & i don't remember (parts) anyway a few weeks later was halloween/his birthday he had just found out he was leaving for korea at that time we were awkward not trying to lead eachother on nor catch anymore feelings then we had previaoulsy caught... november i met his family & spent thanksgiving with them christmas we spent down in ocala & back at home with my mom... we spent more time toghether & it was amazing i had fell head over heels i adored him :) new years it was rocky cause he was leaving the next month so i put up walls & cages & so forth i refused to hang out at times & started texting my ex ( let me clearify ... texting my ex on new years he texted me at midnight & said ily & i responded you too) brad found it & flipped i guess you can say... he was mean he was angry he was HURT & i never ever hurt someone like i did him i was used to the one getting hurt... i guess i did it to hurt him so i wouldn't in the long run.. either way i fucked up & i was an asshole... we talked it through but since that one night i opened his door of insecurities... i thought we resolved it & the day for him to leave came quick.. a few days before we tried to make the best of it.. he stayed with me so that made things harder.. we would go out just the two of us & have the best of times he was in als & i would help him study & we would stay up reading boring mil stuff & eat pizza rolls all hours of the night.. two days before he left we went out just us to a bar & drank plum sake (our favorite) had a few beers left & went to another bar & so fourth...next morning we packed & that night he left & it was a sad sad day... i remember everything that night on tv.. i didn't sleep a bit he would try to reassure me things would be fine & we would keep in touch.. but i knew better then that.. I told him over & over again that it would be easier if he left on it is what it is terms... that was our first arguement that night... anyway i dropped him off at the airport & i didn't even get the sweet romantic hug i got a pat on my back & that was that... no words were said nothing... i stayed up the rest of the night waiting for him to text me every chance he got & he did... we kept in touch for the first week like he would be back in no time... few weeks went by & we would skype & chat we talked about everything marriage,kids,school,life... we spilled secrets & told stories gossip all that jazz.. it was like he wasn't gone just a state or two over... he would send love emails,silly things & leave sweet voicemails... i missed him.. hard to say because i have never missed anyman... it felt like i was hanging on to hope... i never believed in long distance relationships in fact i laughed about those who did... anyway few months passed & i went down to visit his family... we had good times.. july 4th i found out i was knocked up (yep you guessed it plum sake makes my clothes fall off) i was mortified but things happen for a reason... i told him he promised he would be there for me for whatever & most important he would be there to cut the cord... few weeks passed i found out it was a she... a little butterfly... i was even more mortified i gave my mom hell growing up & she sure cursed me so another month passed i went back home being pregnant hit me... i had to grow up i was alone i was not married & i was that girl... basically i tried my hardest to avoid him to avoid my true feelings coming out... i held a grudge (still do) i resented him leaving... our fairytale went from fairytale to fieryhell we fought about everything... most importantly bray not being his... i was stubborn & let him believe whatever he wanted... now that i look back on that maybe he wanted reassurance or whatever but i was the one gaining 45 lbs & not fitting in my cute bras or anything but lane bryant dresses... i was hateful... midtour rolls around & he was finally coming home .. he came home & it was different... things were different.. i wanted to do things just not in public no one ever knew i was pregnant ... until he came back.. he was there for a few dr appts but i never felt that he cared or felt any emotions or feelings towards the pregnancy everyones different though... his midtour came fast... he had a few issues that took up the majority of his midtour... & just like that he was gone 2 weeks came & went like it was nothing... anyway during my pregnancy i had a lot of trouble i was constantly sick & asking the dr why... never any answers before my mom requested a blood test my due date had came & gone... lab results came back positive for enzymes spilling dr sdaid it was time to geth that baby out... i rmember the friday before i was evil... i was miserable i just wanted brad, i wanted the baby out & i wanted to feel normal... that wednesday boo was born brad was on skype afte my emergency c section... i remember ignoring him (coulda been the drugs) but i held a beautiful baby girl & couldn't help but think about all the promises he broke.. i was happy to have her but i was pissed i was doing it alone.. i had my mom & bf but they weren't supposed to be the ones there by my side... i hated that my mom missed work & took her leave for me... i was helpless & i was pissed.. don't get me wrong having bray was the best time but i shouldn't of been alone.. yeah mil life blah blah.. but i didn't choose that... so take your blah blah & shove it... we made it through & 5 months later brad finally got to meet her... i still to this day don't know the feelings he felt... after i had her we talked less & when we did it was short & majority of the time rude... i still missed him... i missed him with hate though.. i missed him for the fact he wasn't there for her first valentines day & first bath first car ride stuff like that... i don't remember much of my dady growing up... i remember summers i would stay at my aunts or grandmas & sometimes visits with him... but growing up i remember more of the times he wasn't there then when he was.... i fear that for my child since the day i found out... it's an empty hole nothing can fill... it sucks... but anyways a month later we moved out here to moreno valley & it's been heartache/best times... we have been together to watch her first steps,first bumps & bruises... & everything else was firsts to him... so it worked out... we have had more fights obviously because we have to learn to accept eachother learn more about eachpther & all that... the romance never came to cali... some days i find myself wondering if korea changed him or if having grudges changed me... both probably.. we've had our nights where we could kill eachother but we had our good times too which brings me to this past weekeknd i think it was one of the best times together ever it was just us.. we have been so stressed about life that we take simple things forgranted... we were selfish sunday we did things we are paying for now... but we did enjoyed it we smiled constantly we had a few frowns but shopping with a toddler is overly stressful esp one that thinks she's 16 wants wants wants... but none the less we enjoyed eachother as a family & even added a new member which ill get into on another post... but we were happy & then the week came i was so busy getting last minute things to surprise him for his birthday... i picked his brother up wednesday whom he will be staying with us now until further notice :) & then today thursday i guess he had a rough day at work & my fault for not asking but he came home with a shit face on... i take forgranted that i stay at home with a baby while he has to go to work & deal with bs & drama & resposibilities all the stuff that comes with work... while i stress because i do stay at home with a very very very (very) busy toddler with no vehicle... basically i am goin to try & become a better wife a more understanding wife... a more careing wife & most important loving & supporting wife... i need to work on remembering all the reasons i am in this postion & all the reasons Braylee is here (not just from plum sake) but i need to work on putting the love back in... i don't give up easily... & sunday reminded me of why things are rough... because we are strong.. but together we are stronger... so with that said i honestly love that man (as much as an inconsiderate unappreciative jerkface dirty stinky hurtful nasty asshole he can be....) i am happy
